


lie to me, please?

by outcastedsouls



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Break Up, Depressed Keith (Voltron), Depression, Drinking, Drunk Sex, Heavy Angst, How Do I Tag, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Insecure Keith (Voltron), Keith (Voltron) Angst, M/M, Suicide, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, its only implied - Freeform, just a vent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-23
Updated: 2018-03-23
Packaged: 2019-04-07 00:21:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14068812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/outcastedsouls/pseuds/outcastedsouls
Summary: Keith was 5 when his father walked out of the door and never returned, he was 5 when the social services found him half-starved weeks later.Keith was 14 when he was found kissing a boy behind the school and was shunned for it.Keith was 17 when he met Lance, and he knew his life would be changed.Keith was 21 when he screwed up and Lance walked out the door (just like everyone in his life did).Keith was 25, and he was bleeding out on the bathroom floor.





	lie to me, please?

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys!
> 
> This fic is loosely based off [this angsty Iwaoi fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9606641#main) by thatsformetoknow, so go support the fic!
> 
> Depression is different for everyone, and this is kinda based on my insecurities. (oops) Just a vent fic.
> 
> (I never know what to say in these notes)  
> Anyways, hope you enjoy the angst!
> 
> Edit:  
> OMG GUYS I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!! Only 6 hours, and 64 kudos, 440 hits!! Thank you soooo much for your comments, I’d thought that my writing was horrible, but your comments really encouraged me<3 thanks for reading!!!!

Keith was 5 when his father walked out of the door and never returned, he was 5 when the social services found him half-starved weeks later.

Keith was 14 when he was found kissing a boy behind the school and was shunned for it.

Keith was 17 when he met Lance, and he knew his life would be changed.

Keith was 21 when he screwed up and Lance walked out the door (just like everyone in his life did).

 

* * *

 

Keith knew it was over when Lance walked out of the door.

It had been a stupid argument, really. Keith had even forgotten what it was about already. it didn't matter, anyways — Lance had left him for good.

At the back of his mind, Keith had known this day would come, that Lance of all people would leave him like everyone else had. But that hadn't stopped him from hoping that the relationship would work out.

That hadn't stopped him from falling so helplessly in love.

And it sure as fuck didn't stop him from begging like a starving dog for Lance to stay when he returned to take his things from the apartment. 

 

* * *

 

"Keith. _Keith._ " Shiro waved his hand in front of Keith's face, jerking him back to reality,"I've been talking to you for the last five minutes, don't tell me you weren't listening."

Keith must have had a weird look on his face, and Shiro sighed, rubbing his temple as if Keith gave him a migraine. Although, he probably did.

"Keith, we've been over this. Lance was a jerk leaving you like that." 

No, Lance was the sweetest guy ever, he was never a jerk.

"He knew all your issues, any good man wouldn't leave someone with de- with insecurities in that manner," Shiro corrected himself before continuing.

Keith smiled(but it was probably more of a grimace than anything), wasn't it obvious enough that it was _those_ insecurities that had caused Lance to leave? But Keith refrained from saying it out loud, lest Shiro start to worry more than he already did.

Instead, he sighed,"Shiro, we've been over this. Can we stop talking about it now?"

Shiro must have gotten the hint, immediately not-so-subtly changing the subject. Keith would have laughed if he wasn’t feeling so horrible, but he was grateful for the effort nonetheless.

 

*******

 

Parties were never Keith’s thing. No matter how much he racked his head, he couldn’t understand what he was doing with an unidentifiable drink (some kind of alcohol that Pidge had shoved in his hands) and sweaty bodies grinding against each other around him.

Keith scanned the crowd for Pidge — that’s right, he was here because Pidge had decided that it was a good idea for Keith to “socialize”. Right, a good load of socializing Keith was doing standing in the corner.

Someone laughing loudly nearby caught his attention, a laughter that was too familiar. Keith could only make out a mop of brown hair and tanned skin, but it was definitely _him_. He could tell Lance apart from everyone else even from miles away. There was something that set him apart from the rest, like a lone star in the night sky. A wave of emotions  — he didn't know which ones — washed over him. Regret? Anger? Sadness? Resentment?

His eyes met startling blue ones, and he hastily turned away. Keith bit his lip and downed the drink. He could feel it burning his throat but he was grateful for anything that could serve as a distraction. He threw one last glance in Lance's direction before leaving to get another drink. And another.

And another.

Soon enough he was being pressed up against the wall, a nameless guy pressing hot kisses into his neck. His mind was still hazy as the man pulled away and mumbled something in his ear, probably something along the lines of "your house or mine?", and Keith nodded distractedly. He could feel Lance's eyes boring into him as he was led out by the stranger, and a part of him hoped that Lance would reach out, stop him, _anything_.

He didn't.

So Keith allowed the stranger to lead him into a cab, into an unfamiliar bed. He lay awake until he was sure the man was sleeping before he grabbed his things and left. 

 

* * *

 

Keith was 12 when he first held a blade to his wrist and cut away.

Keith was 13 when he was clinically diagnosed with depression, after attempting a suicide.

Keith was 23 and he was falling apart.

 

* * *

 

 

Keith could remember the day he met Lance. 

Instead of hitting it off straight away, Lance had started some kind of "rivalry" between them (Keith didn't even know the dude), and they were constantly bickering about nothing. Lance would provoke him, and he would always rise to the bait. 

Later on, Lance would admit that he was envious of Keith, and Keith wondered what there was to be envied about him. He was the depressed kid, the problem child, always having to be looked after.

Their "rivalry" died out about 5 months after it started, and they started getting along well.

So it wasn't a surprise when Lance initiated their first kiss.

 

*******

 

A year after they got together, they moved into an apartment. 

Keith decided it was an understatement to say that Lance was a good boyfriend — he was the best.

Lance would always be there when Keith was having one of his bad days, when he was sobbing in his bed, or going on a downward spiral.

And Keith could only be reminded of how he must have taken Lance for granted, always testing his patience.  He didn't blame Lance, really. He had been hanging over the side of a cliff, the only thing keeping him alive was Lance. But he had been dragging Lance down, rooting him to the spot. 

And he had fucked up majorly, but maybe, just maybe, it was better for Lance that he had rid himself of Keith. 

 

* * *

  

It was funny, really, how much one person alone could fuck up. Keith could almost laugh, albeit a hollow one.

Keith fumbled around with his phone, tapping in the familiar number and hitting call, 

"Keith?" Lance's voice was heard over the phone and Keith would have heaved a sigh of relief if he could," it's 3 am, what do you want?"

"Hey," Keith's voice cracked, and he cleared his throat.

"Keith? Are you okay?" Lance still cared, of course he would, he was _Lance_ , after all, a sweet and caring guy, the best boyfriend.

"I'm so stupid."

"What?"

"I fucked up, Lance." His voice cracked again, and he cringed, biting his lip so hard that he thought it would draw blood. 

"Keith? What's going on?" Concern was creeping into Lance's voice now, and Keith knew that it was too late to hang up, to leave Lance without a word. He'd been left too many times and knew the sting of abandonment all too well. Better than anyone should.

"I still love you." 

He had to get it out, everything out before it was too late.

"I'm so sorry, Lance, I still love you so, so much." Keith was sobbing now, but he didn't try to stifle them.

"Keith," Lance's voice was sharper now and laced with worry," tell me, what's going on."

"I- I don't have much time left," he heard a sharp intake of breath over the phone.

"Keith-"

"No," Keith's voice was raw, but he couldn't care any less,"do this for me, please?"

"Fine," Lance breathed out.

"Lie to me will you?"

"What?"

"Tell me you love me, lie to me." Keith was feeling light-headed now. Maybe he should have thought about what Shiro would find when he came back, but Keith had always been selfish, dragging everyone else down with him. Only those wise enough had left in time. "I don't care, do it, _please_."

"Keith, I still love you." Lance's breath hitched.

Keith could only smile.

"I love you too."

"No- no, no, Keith, it's not a lie." He could tell Lance was getting desperate now.

Keith let out a choked laugh," it's okay you don't have to keep up the pretence anymore."

"Keith, please don't do this to me. To Shiro and the others. _Keith_.”

"Just-" Keith sniffled," talk to me, will you? Tell me anything, everything."

It took a while before Lance could speak, his voice wobbling dangerously.

Soon enough, the words evened out into a soothing noise in the background and Keith tried to say "I love you" once more, slurring all his words, but he was sure Lance understood.

It was alright, then.

 

* * *

 

Keith was 25, and he was bleeding out on the bathroom floor.

**Author's Note:**

> im crying and i hate my writing so much.
> 
> Edit:  
> okay I know I already wrote stuff in the notes at the beginning, but I just had to say something.  
> So, when I wrote this, my mind was in a really bad state, and I was feeling down and all that kinda shit. But seeing so many kudos and hits in the morning realy surprised me. I never thought people would like my writing, but your comments reaallly made my day and encouraged me. so thank you SO MUCH to the people who commented, and those of you who left kudos. I LOVE YOU ALL<3
> 
> THANKS FOR READING, COMMENTS ENCOURAGE ME(hint hint)
> 
> Edit no.2: should i write Lance’s side of the story for this fic??
> 
> Talk to me on [Tumblr!](https://outcastedsouls.tumblr.com/)


End file.
